September 15th, 2018
Everyone you see, you say to them, “Love me”.
Of course you do not say this out loud, otherwise someone would call the cops.
Still, though, think about this, the great pull in us to connect
Why not become the one who lives with a full moon in each eye that is always saying,
With that sweet moon language, what every other eye in the world is dying to hear?
For the past couple of days I’ve been thinking about one important question. Who am I? What is my essential nature as a human being? What is my role in the universe? How should I live? As I ponder these questions and search for the answers I come across an even more important question: What do I really want?
I believe the answer to that question will require me to go deep within myself examining my deepest longings, hopes and needs and what makes me happy. Because we are all defined by what makes us happy and the answer to the latter question will give me insight into the first.
On its face the answer to this question might seem simple or easily found. We all want to be rich, or beautiful or thin or famous. But if you really look deeply into those answers the absolute truth can be found. We want to be rich because we think we can buy love. We want to be beautiful and thin because if we are “perfect physically” we’ll find true love then. And we desire fame for the same reason – the whole world would love us then!
I believe that more than anything we all want to love and be loved in return. Nothing in the world feels better than being loved and having another accept our love. Love is so critical to our well-being that we will try and fill the hole that is within us if we do not have love with drugs, alcohol, food and all kinds of other things in life. We are everything with love and nothing without it.
Knowing what we really want in life is very important to our health in general. When we know what we really want in life we automatically put ourselves to work for the good which benefits both ourselves and others. Because when we know what truly makes us happy there is no conflict between ourselves and others. And when we are truly happy and loved we have the ability to show love and kindness to others even when they seek to do us harm or wish us ill will.
Conversely, when we misunderstand our true needs and think we are well served by greed, aggression and indifference we harm ourselves and those around us. Believe me when I say this – I have been there and done that.
I have been on Texas death row for 20 years now and looking back at who I was when I first arrived I do not think I knew what I really wanted and needed to make me happy. And unfortunately, so many other suffering souls in this terrible place are lost when it comes to knowing what they want and need. And it’s just about impossible to try and “enlighten” another hard-headed guy on Texas death row on what he really needs. We’re all stubborn and hard-headed – that’s part of the reason why we are here.
Discovering what we really want is a life lesson that we almost always have to learn on our own. And if we are blessed, at some point, we realize the truth in this matter.
I sometimes think about my relationships when I was young before I was sent to Texas death row and how even then when I loved someone, family member, friend or girlfriend, I was moved to do things for them – to show my love through actions. Before I knew what was really going on I was still driven by the need to try and express my love through deeds. Why was it like this for me? I know now that it was because I want and need others to be happy.
If the people I am close to are happy then I am happy and on a base level this shows me that I am a loving person. That we as human beings are loving because just about everyone feels as I do on some level. So it is true for the society we live in, be it in the free world in your community, or here in my society on Texas death row. And what does this tell us about ourselves? That we are not separate and our well being and those who are around us are interdependent.
These are the conclusions I come to as I think about life on Texas death row. Each day I try to live by what I preach – kindness and compassion. And as you might expect there are more than a few rascals in my community who make it extremely difficult to love and show kindness and compassion to. And there are a few that I do not like at all. But this is how the world is in general – it’s easy to love those who love us in return. What builds character is showing kindness and compassion to those who make it difficult to do so and not try to harm or wish ill will upon those you do not like. Instead, I try to be my best self every morning that I can by starting my day with time in meditation and prayer sending every suffering soul on Texas death row and death rows across the world positive healing energy and the strength and courage to get through whatever they are going through. Then I send the same to those in the free world. And this small act has incredible healing power. It has a dual benefit as it helps those who I send it out to, friend and foe alike, and it also helps me because what does you good does me good as well.
The world would be a better place as a whole if more of us could learn to communicate with that wonderful amazing moon language!
LOVE PEACE & HOPE!
Charles Don Flores #999299
Texas death row
September 15, 2018