TEXAS DEATH ROW NEWS APRIL 14, 2020
“Things happen, and nothing is for sure, but you just have to keep going, believing that one day you’ll find something that is” A.J. Darkholme
Do you ever go to bed thinking about what you have to do the next morning and for whatever reason you can’t shut your mind off so as you try to sleep you keep waking up to check the clock to see if it’s time to rise and start doing what needs to be done? That seems to be happening to me a lot – and I do believe it has something to do with the global chaos, the distorted energy, the planets and everything else that seems to have its wires crossed at this moment. So, when I finally wake up I’ve tossed and turned for 6 hours straight and now feel like I’ve not slept a wink! Now I find myself laying there tired and asking myself, do I get up and try my best or do I go to sleep? Because now I can sleep, no problem! It’s funny to me now and I laugh as I write about this, but when I’m experiencing this insanity there’s nothing funny about it.
This morning was one of these days and thankfully the Presence that is me was in charge [not ego!] and reminded me that I have to do what I need to do, not just what I want to do. So I got out of bed and started my day, which included recreation at 6am, and then at some point writing this essay. While in the dayroom, I was thinking of what I might write about and maybe share something that will be of help to someone who’s struggling in the free world on lockdown, living “my life” because of the Covid-19 situation. Because that’s what I feel my spirit being moved to do – share my thoughts and experiences on what’s called “doing time” and hopefully help someone who is struggling. I think about the situation and know that we’ve all been on confinement order for about a month now, aka “lockdown”, which is scary, stressful and not easy to cope with.
For me, it seems as if we’re travelling though a very long deep tunnel unable to see the light way, way at the other end. And when we’re in this kind of situation, have you noticed that the worst always seems to happen? And when we get in this negative roll, it is so easy to see all that is wrong in our lives, our partner, our pets even! Because after living with your partner or pet for a month straight, the odds are you know exactly what annoys you the most about them!
When it’s like this we have to remember to keep our focus and remember what the goal is – survival. These situations seem to recall my start of life on Texas death row and how I found myself alone, no friends, no supporters, no way to fight the death machine that I’d been thrown into. In that moment nothing was sure in my life. Nothing. A couple of things got me through one of the darkest periods of my life, the first was the faith and belief in God that my parents had instilled in me. And second my stubbornness and refusal to accept defeat. I didn’t know how I would manage but I had faith and believed I could, I had hope and I kept on pushing. And the thing about life is that when you are giving your best effort it does not go unnoticed. You might be at the end of your rope ready to give up and the Universe will send you a sign that, interpreted correctly, will be a reminder that the Good Lord has not forgotten about you! I think of those times and find it amazing that I was able to do that. And I see a lot of similarities in that period of my life and what we’re all experiencing today and no matter what we all have to keep on going, keep on pushing refusing to give up.
“You have to be able to recognize your truths in the daylight before you can find them in the dark” Kelli Jae Baeli
This past Sunday was Easter Sunday and as usual I attended church services through my radio. I found it surreal to think that everyone in the world was attending Church for Easter Sunday Services via radio, television or Internet. My favorite church is Lakewood Church in Houston , TX led by Pastor Joel Osteen. I’m the kind of guy who actively seeks out inspiration, motivation and I get the new age belief as well. I’ve learnt through life that it’s not what you believe that’s important, it’s that you believe in something that matters. Because there is more than one path to spiritual enlightenment.
Brother Osteen gave us a wonderful example of all that’s happening to us right now – the fear, stress, hurt, loss and disappointments as a poisonous snake bite that the enemy has given us.
And we have the cure. When that ugly old snake bites, is injecting us with poison, we have the anti-venom. The anti-venom being our faith and belief in a Higher Power and a hope for a better tomorrow. Because when that poisonous snake strikes, the attack results in a loss of our job, loss of our income, being locked in a small apartment anxious and afraid because a killer is on the loose in the form of Covid-19, we either keep on pushing toward a better tomorrow or we give up and let that devil take you down low.
None of us has ever seen anything like the current pandemic we’re living through but we’ve all made it through the worst up until now. And what has carried us through this far is our courage, strength, faith, belief and instead of looking down at all the bad that’s happening, we look up knowing things will get greater later.
The key to having the anti-venom is we have to take the medicine to get well. That snake has snuck up and bitten us, injecting fear, depression and hurt into us and that’s just life. Now we must gather ourselves and take the anti-venom to get healthy again. Our anti-venom is prayer, meditation, being kind and in control and acting in faith because we know we’ll get through this latest challenge we all face together. And remember – like any storm this too shall pass. Because it’s no different with me here on Texas death row or there in your corner of the world. When that snake bit us, its intention was to kill us. Now it’s up to us to decide whether or not we’re going to take our medicine and overcome this deadly strike or perish.
I’ll tell you something that took me years to understand – all that happens in our life is intentional. It’s a process that happens for a reason and if we can use the current situation to sit still and receive the answers to our question about the possible reasons we’re going through what we’re going through, we’ll find understanding.
So today I’m keeping my eyes on the prize. I’m working my program here – exercise, spiritual practice and living life in gratitude taking my medicine each morning. Are you? I hope so and it is my wish that these thoughts from a guy in a cell on Texas death row going on 21 years now helps you in some kind of way!
LOVE PEACE HOPE AND STRONG HEALTH TOO!
Charles D. Flores #999299
Texas death row
April 14, 2020